Rabbinic Dignity – A Contemporary Lesson
After reading about the latest rabbinic “issue”, we do not know what to say. While the rabbi involved has the right to explain himself, and we cannot assume wrongdoing beyond anything which would be admitted or proven, we are left with a feeling of great disquietude and confusion.
Detractors of the rabbi point out the halachic prohibitions of a rav attending a bathhouse in the presence of his students, and defenders of the rabbi point to the absence of proof of actual wrongdoing or criminal activity. Both sides may be correct, yet they may also be missing an important point – a point that can only be appreciated by taking a step back.
If an individual retains a highly respected position, and on occasion stakes out unpopular positions, he can be the world’s greatest tzaddik and mentch, but he will nonetheless be subject to vilification. And the reverse is true as well: If an individual has criminal proclivities, especially in the realm of physical relationships, then no matter what type of formal safeguards and parameters are established, it will not help.
Yet we speak here not about any of this, but rather about a more general issue – that of k’vod ha-rav. Not of the kavod owed to a rav by others, but of the kavod that the rav owes to himself and his fellows.
Every rabbi wants and needs his laity to feel comfortable with him. The best way for a rabbi to make sure that he is ineffective is to be perceived as a distant figure who is in his own world. An effective rabbi is one who is involved with his laity in a close manner, and whose personal presence is desired; this is the only method to truly impact.
Yet there is a tough balance, as should a rabbi essentially become one of the laity in terms of his leisurely personal interactions and public image, he will lose his rabbinic potency and effect.
While every rabbi seeks to make his congregants comfortable with him, there is a necessary separation and heightened level of dignity that are indispensable. Going to a sauna with talmidim or baale-batim, even covered with a towel and a t-shirt, or engaging in very casual contact sports with congregants, even if there is no appearance of impropriety, compromises the image and position of the rabbi. Closeness and comfort with those whom the rabbi seeks to impact and instruct cannot come at the expense of lack of dignity; there are ways to achieve things without compromising the image that a rav must convey.
Those who point to the halachic issues of a rav being in a bathhouse in view of talmidim focus only on alleging technical violations (and seem to have an additional agenda here, taking into consideration many other factors). While the case at hand needs to be taken extremely seriously (giving the benefit of the doubt, while being zealously and radically vigilant to ensure the safety of everyone), what is also needed is to rethink the general manner in which a rabbi publicly comports himself in terms of speech, appearance, and activities.
I was recently at a formal public event, and a popular rabbi from a nearby community came wearing moccasins. Needless to say, he stood out like a sore thumb and did not garner respect in this situation. I know that this rabbi dresses on the casual side in order to make others comfortable with him, yet failure to also display a sense of heightened dignity and a degree of separation compromises a rabbi’s standing and backfires in terms of real impact and leadership.
I recall how many years ago, a friend who was in a beginner’s program for Torah study commented how uneasy he was with a new staff member, as this new staff member, who was just hired to serve as a rebbe, “always acted and looked like he was going bowling with the guys”; too much of a lack of seriousness and formality had the reverse effect, despite the good intentions.
Of course, no matter how dignified a rabbi presents himself, it will not prevent improper personal activity, should such a proclivity exist. And should a rabbi be distant or stiff, he can kiss his rabbinic success goodbye.
It is a tough balance, but the basic parameters of dignified rabbinic comportment need to be recognized and embraced. Of course, far more acute matters have been raised, but let us learn whatever we can from this and every situation.
Note: The above essay does not assume anything about the facts of the case. The essay is merely adopting some of the talking points in order to draw out an additional, important lesson.
“or engaging in very casual contact sports with congregants, even if there is no appearance of impropriety, compromises the image and position of the rabbi.”
I tend to agree and knew one Rabbi who even advised younger Rabbonim not to play golf with their congregants. OTOH it is certainly well known that many RY played basketball or touch football with their talmidim. At a recent shloshim for RAL ZT”L many talmidim talked positively about how RAL played the games seriously.
One of my memories from high school summer camp is going hiking and playing paddle ball with a leading American Rosh Yeshiva(he was hard to beat). This was discussed in Cross currents “The Mistake of One-Stop Torah Shopping”(March 08):
“When R. Ahron Leib Shteinman shlit”a visited the US a few years ago, he met with educators and fielded questions. One of them asked him whether it was appropriate for a rebbe to play ball with his students. R. Ahron Leib, of course, replied that it wasn’t. This created enormous tension for the scores of rabbeim, especially outside of NY, who understand how getting closer to students on their turf increases their respect for Torah, and not the opposite as it might in the more ethereal provinces of Bnei Brak. What was tragic is that the person who asked the question didn’t realize that he should have taken such a question to R. Shmuel Kamenetsky, shlit”a or R. Aharon Shechter, shlit”a – and have taken them privately, off-mike – who have far more experience with the parameters of American chinuch.”
I think that it very much depends on the circumstances. When a rebbe joins a game of talmidim, it is pretty clear that it is something special that the rebbe does to make his talmidim happy and make them feel that the rebbe wants to be with them. It does not change the rebbe-talmid relationship. However, when a rabbi on his own wants to play sports, and he invites laity or mentees to be his sports partners, the relationship is different.
The issue is quite nuanced, but once the casual context changes the relationship, based on the circumstances, it needs to be carefully considered.
“I think that it very much depends on the circumstances.” Ta’am Ve’Reach — are you just creating your own version of Yoreh De’ah? Maybe I think that writing constant attacks on other Rabbanim takes away from “dignified rabbinic comportment”.
A key thing is the honor/kavod the rav must show for the people with whom he interacts. Including youngsters. In my limited experience with the rabbinate, education, and medical professions I’ve concluded that it is always better to err on the side of giving others too much kavod, rather than too little. How I address them, how I dress, the activities I share with them all give a message of how much or little I respect them. A certain familiarity or casualness is a good thing in many cases, but only after the foundation of respect is clearly and firmly established. And that respect should be reestablished or reinforced from time to time; while the familiarity should never be forced or fake.
It is true that Rav Aharon LIchtenstein played basketball occasionally with his students. But that was a small and natural part of the overall relationship, as I understand it. Ask those students what the single outstanding thing in their memories is, characterizing Rav Aharon z”l – it likely won’t be basketball. It might be dignity, lamdanut, hesed. The basketball part will be mentioned, but probably be a part of the bigger picture of his humility. No one thought it was a gimmick.
Regarding the electronic realm, the RCA wrote in a statement titled “2013 Resolution: Opportunities and Challenges of the Internet”:
“Of particular relevance to pulpit rabbis, educators, and parents is the need to avoid an inappropriate degree of familiarity which may affect their authoritative stature. Care must be taken by such individuals when utilizing social networks and similar venues to maintain efficacy in these roles.”
This part of R. Aharon Lichtenstein’s sicha on “On Raising Children” could be somewhat relevant to his own rabbinic ball playing:
“Recently, a student quoted me as saying that a father should be ready both to learn with his children and play ball with them. He said I then added that if you want the child to want to learn with you, you have to play ball with him. I am not sure you have to; but despite not remembering making this particular statement, it is the sort of thing I would have said.
Still, there is one clarification I want to make. I did not play ball with my children as a trick, as a tactic. I did not think, “Today I’ll play basketball with him, and in a year we will learn Minchat Chinukh.” I don’t think one should approach it that way. There is joy, there is wonder, in the ability to play with one’s children; it is not simply a tool, not just instrumental. It is a joy in its own right, and one of the joys which I think God fully permits us and wants us to participate in. I don’t harbor any guilt about playing ball with my children, nor do I regard it as a wasted day. It is part of what being a family is all about.”
I see Rabbi Gordimer making many pronouncements which assert a close connection between what he considers kevod harav and what he considers effective spiritual leadership.
But who says this rabbi was less-than-effective in terms of positive, lasting impact on HIS congregants because of his intimate approach? How can we gauge a rabbi’s effectiveness? I ask these questions because the articles written about the rabbi being alluded to in this post are unanimous in praise for his superlative mentoring abilities by HIS constituency — despite the apparent lack of dignity inherent in his approach.
I see the case in question as a “ma’aseh listor” to Rabbi Gordimer’s making a link between rabbinic dignity and rabbinic effectiveness.
“Dovid Kornreich
June 7, 2015 at 3:53 pm
I see Rabbi Gordimer making many pronouncements which assert a close connection between what he considers kevod harav and what he considers effective spiritual leadership.
But who says this rabbi was less-than-effective in terms of positive, lasting impact on HIS congregants because of his intimate approach? How can we gauge a rabbi’s effectiveness? I ask these questions because the articles written about the rabbi being alluded to in this post are unanimous in praise for his superlative mentoring abilities by HIS constituency — despite the apparent lack of dignity inherent in his approach.
I see the case in question as a “ma’aseh listor” to Rabbi Gordimer’s making a link between rabbinic dignity and rabbinic effectiveness”
I don’t live in the community in question-but I know people who do. It is certain if you had asked me a question who is the most effective pastoral Orthodox Rabbi in America a month ago I would have answered the Rabbi in question. I have heard some of his lectures online-including question and answering questions with teenagers at an Israeli Yeshiva and IMO I couldn’t think of a more effective person in that role. I am aware for decades he was considered a model by other Rabbis as to how to be effective in his pastoral duties-so the issue is not Rabbinic dignity vs Rabbinic effectiveness the issue here is what activities if any he did which should automatically disqualify one from Rabbanus.
An observation that I heard from a Rav who was not a buddy buddy type-one has to worry about kavod hatorah but be careful that you are not using that as a cover for personal kavod. Kavod hatorah does not necessarily equal kavod for any specific Rav. The Rav has a greater duty than the layman to ensure that the kahal believes by his actions that he is interested in spreading Torah and helping people rather than maximizing his own kavod or profit.
I have two observations about my friend Rabbi Gordimer’s recent post, both from my experience at the Kollel at Camp Morasha. First, Rav Mordechai Willig, shlit”a, played basketball and tennis with the talmidim on a regular basis. (For those of you keeping score, RMW was consistently accurate from the outside – if RMW is still playing basketball, do NOT leave him open from the outside within 15 feet of the basket – he will may you pay for that mistake again and again.) Second, one summer I learned with Rabbi Yitzchok Cohen, shlit”a, after maariv, and I distinctly remember the way RYC one time excitedly (and with admiration and reverence) recalled the intensity of RAL’s play on the court – the clear message to all the players was if you weren’t playing hard, then get off the court. I took that as a lesson how a ben Torah should approach everything – with full commitment (similar to the phrase attributed to one of the Chabad rebbes – “a pnimi, vi er iz, er iz darten in gantzen”). And I also had rebbes in high school that played ball with us (some of them quite well.) So I suppose I am not yet convinced that a rebbe shouldn’t play ball with his talmidim. I have a hard time reconciling that concept with my own chinuch.
Thank you, Reb Chaim. Great to hear from you.
I am not against a rebbe playing ball with talmidim. Please see my comment above (#3, I believe).
Very best regards,
Avrohom
When R Willig was a rebbe in JSS, he both played basketball with his talmidim outside, and also in the old YU gym, where he had an amazing line drive jump shot that was extremely acccurate.
Different strokes…
The one-stop approach to asking shailos, the one-size-fits-all approach to what a rav or ram should be, the current tempest in a teapot over Rabbi Riskin, all contribute to a monolithic direction in the Torah world today which is diametrically opposed to shivim panim la-Torah. What that adds up to is a “my way or the highway” attitude among parents and educators. If a rav plays ball with talmidim or congregants, he is suspect. The Jewish world-view shrinks to three blocks of Bnai Brak. Then cry about kids going off the derech. If you suspect that tension in your yeshivishe kid’s life, send him to Bnai Akiva and don’t look back. In a few years maybe you can get him into the Gush and a good army unit. Nobody will listen, though.
At least to my way of thinking, there is all the difference in the world between a Rabbi playing basketball with his students, and a Rabbi disrobing in front of his students in a bathhouse. In the first case, the spiritual side of him remains relatively intact, while in the latter case, not so much.